Goodies

-ruby and sol went back to swimming today after a 2 month hiatus and did quite well!  Sol had one freak out moment but that's not too bad considering he used to freak out the whole time.

-ruby is either ruby 1 or ruby 2. Have you ever heard the old rhyme "once there was a girl with a pretty little curl right in the middle of her fore head. And when she was good she was very very good, and when she was bad she was horrid."? It fits ruby to a tee. Today she was ruby 1 after a few days of being ruby 2. Yay!  Sweet sweet girl!

-ruby AND sol took at nap. I had an entire hour to myself so I watched project runway and folded laundry. I almost felt guilty for how much I enjoyed it.  Once sol got up he helped me pick raspberries, which we've gotten a lot of this year (yay for jam!) and tomatoes. After we came in he watched a show so I sat down and played the piano for 30 min. Playing the piano is therapy for me.  It felt great.

Just wanted to share those little goodies and this:

When we were visiting my parents in Laramie Sol and Ruby wanted to sleep in ruby's crib together and so I let them. After a few threats they  actually fell asleep.  The picture is upside down and kind of dark, but you get the picture.  My mommy heart melted.  :)

Lest you worry...

I've gotten some super sweet emails and texts from friends who read my last post and worried just a bit about me.  Maybe questioned my sanity.  Don't you worry!  I'm feeling very sane.  :)  I like to vent because it makes me feel better.  Watering my feelings down or making excuses for them kind of defeats the purpose.  So don't you fret - I'm feeling pretty great today!  I only beat my kids once today!   (Lest you worry, I'm kidding)

hugs and kisses,
Megan

Evening Mantra

I'm sitting outside because it's the perfect temperature and after an evening thunderstorm it's been raining off and on in light drizzels.  It smells heavenly. And clean. And I feel myself relax out here. I have been longing for simplicity for weeks. I have a hard time with the pace of life.  Am I just a lightweight? I love to be busy but I feel mentally and emotionally worn. I want to disappear by myself for a few weeks, until I can't stand it any more.   What's wrong with me, really. I'm a mom and I love my children more than anything but lately I've wanted to run and hide from the title.  A title I dreamed of having my whole life.  I think I'm normal. I think I'm burnt out. I've been on a high all spring and for much of the summer but I feel like a plane that runs out of fuel and skids to a stop in the dirt.

I'm tired.  I need to allow my heart it's weak moments. I need to acknowledge my dark times. I'm tired of telling myself to keep going, keep giving, keep pushing.  Stay strong for others. Stay strong for all the others. They all need your strength. God gave you strength so use it Megan.  Well tonight there is no stength.  Just existing. Just rest.  Just breathing.  The earth doesn't need me to live. It breathes without me.  It happens separate from me. It doesn't care if I live or die and tonight that is a relief.  I'm a human. I'm a spirit. And my trials are still new to me.  I will allow myself a few breaths...