Gratitude

Since I posted my 'Help' post I've had an overwhelming feeling of gratitude for all that I have. I received some great comments to that post that really helped me to know that I'm not alone and that I CAN do this. I thought I'd share some of the main points people shared with me:

• Mom guilt - every mom constantly feels like she's falling short in one way or another. Its universal.
• We need time doing our own thing. Not something for the kids, the house, or the hubby. Do something for just you and do it a few times a week. Make it a priority.
• Spend extra one on one time with each kid (if and when you can) when they are feeling extra needy. This may mean ignoring your messy house, the computer, or something else you'd really like to do.
• "This too shall pass"
• Remember - they are little. They are learning. Appreciate their craziness.
• Just do your best, and accept your best.
• Draw help from heaven. Pray like crazy and trust Heavenly father.
  

I'm so grateful for your suggestions. I've tried most of these things over the last 3 weeks and have noticed a positive change in myself and in my kids. Thank you, thank you! I love you all!

Idaho Part I: Grandpa

Contrary to my last post, today I'm feeling so grateful for my life. I love my sweet kids. I love my husband. And we have a pretty darn good life. Thanks for all the good advice. I'm working on it...and I know its going to get better. It already is!

Ready for the family vaca post? I'm going to do it in 3 posts actually to keep this post from taking me 2 hours to write and taking you 27 minutes to read.

PART I: Grandpa's Funeral

My sweet grandpa passed away on June 26. His funeral was held on July 1, in Declo Idaho, where he was born, raised, and lived out his good life. He was such a good man. He was filled with love for people and farming. You can read his obituary here.

I think funerals are a good thing. They provide closure and allow you to celebrate a life of someone you cared about. For me the funeral allowed me to see and connect with family that I hadn't seen in years. It helped me to know more about who my Grandpa was and how many people loved him. He was well loved by everyone he knew.

My Grandma asked my sister and I to sing at the funeral. I sang "Too Young" which was a song that was popular in the 50s. It was sang at their reception as my Grandpa was 19 and my Grandma was 16 when they got married. Despite being nervous and intimidated and quite rusty I was so grateful my Grandma asked me to sing. It gave me a chance to reconnect with something I used to love so much. Really, it was one of my passions. I had forgotten that. And it felt like a gift that I could give both my grandparents.

Here are some pictures:

They drove my Grandpa from the church to the cemetery (which is mostly fields) in the back of his pickup. He spent countless hours driving around in his pickup checking the crops. Several of my cousins rode with him.

Ruby and Auntie 'chelle

Madelyn and Sol getting some post funeral wiggles out.

This is the view from the cemetery to my Grandma's house. Her house is right by the grouping of silo's on the right of the picture. I think it so cool that she can look out her kitchen window and see my Grandpa's resting place. And he can watch over her (and the fields) from the peaceful hilltop.

Mason and cousins checking out a headstone.

Ruby and Auntie 'sissa

Grandpa's casket was remarkably beautiful.

At the dinner kids were running around. Grandpa would have enjoyed that.

To her thrill, Grandma helped Ruby get in on the action.

All of Grandpa's children, grandchildren, and great grand children. Amazing how one good couple make a difference for generations.

My cousin Cody
got a hold of my camera for like 5 minutes and proceeded to take all of these pics. Pretty awesome portraits:




Finally a family pic. Good thing the kids look great! They help the rest of us:


This part of our trip was easily the hardest, and most stressful however I feel it was a gift. I'm grateful for it.

Grandpa, we will miss you so much. But we know you're close and will keep you in our hearts till we see you again.

Help.

Dear Blog readers (I'm sure I have a few...),
I miss the old me. The one who had clarity. The one who could lay down and think for twenty minutes and have all the world's problems solved, including my own. Picture old me:

Super cool huh.

I feel like someone put a whisk inside my head and mixed soundly. And then slapped 20 pounds on me, added some gray hairs and wrinkles and took half my energy.

Arggg. Its not supposed to be like this. Having a 3 year old is making me a little nuts. He is so constant. He talks non stop from the time he wakes up till he falls asleep at night. He doesn't like to do anything by himself, he wants my to be fully involved in whatever he's doing. And he asks "why" to EVERYTHING! Litterally everything.

"What are you doing Mom?"
"Watering plants",
"Why",
"Because they're thirsty,"
"Why are they thirsty?",
"because its sunny out"
"Why is it sunny out? Why does that make the plants thirsty?"
"Because the sun makes it hot and that dries out the plants"
"Why?"
"Because it does." (Can a 3 year old comprehend evaporation?)
"Why it does?"
"I don't know, it just does."
"Why 'i don't know'?"
"Cause I don't!"
"Why you don't?"
"Because."
"Why because."

I'm not exaggerating one bit. This was the exact conversation we had this morning. And we had conversations like this all. day. long.

Don't get me wrong. I love my Sol so much. On the scale of 3 year olds he's pretty mild. He rarely throws fits or is mean to other kids. So what is my deal?! I'm frustrated that I'm frustrated. I'm doing my best to stay calm. I'm trying to take breaks. I have a cute little neighbor girl that comes and watches the kids for me so I can clean or run errands. So what is my deal? Help. Anyone. I want to be a good mom. I want to love motherhood. But instead I'm turning into "grumpo" mom who snaps at her precious babies. Not what I EVER wanted.

And Ruby.
While she is as cute as a button and happy as ever, she is 'search and destroy' baby. She wants the world on a plate and she's going to get it now! She's generally happy but she is into everything. Today she climbed on a small stool to then climb onto a big stool to then climb on the cupboard to get a marker that I took from her. I sat and watched her, amazed. She's 11 months people. Not even 1! And if you're holding her and she wants you to go to the left or right she'll throw herself that direction or climbs on your face to get what she wants. Tonight she wanted to climb the banister. She literally climbed up my shoulder and stepped on my face to try to climb it.

I hate complaining. You're thinking "Uh-huh, sounds like it Meg." I really do. I just don't know how to make this better....and I want to be happy and calm and nice and sweet and patient and loving and perfect. Well I do! Who doesn't want to be perfect?!

Who sets out saying, "I'm going to be a mediocre mom and I'll expect the same of my kids." I know perfection isn't attainable so then what is there?

Help. Its late. I better wrap this up before the 'crazy' starts to come out. ;)

Too late. :)

-Megan

Family Pics

Tiff is super talented, and she's completely self taught! Check out her photog blog. Thanks for making us looks so great Tiff!

http://reflectionsbytiffany.blogspot.com/2011/07/dave-megan.html