Crazy-train

First off, sorry to leave the mushy post up there for so long. That post was really just for me and I realize it could have been a little nauseating for some. Thanks for indulging me.

So I've kind of been in my own world for the past few weeks. I'm definitely on the crazy train, the end of pregnancy horemone fest where I'm either a) really frustrated and angry with everyone around me and especially myself for no great reason. b) weepy and sad about my current condition (I just know I'll be pregnant forever!) c) bouncing off the walls with energy to get things done before this baby comes. And while the list of things to get done before baby comes does get smaller, I keep adding to it so it really won't ever be done. I'm kind of crazy and I know it. Sorry Dave.

I've kind of lost all my social skills as I often find myself staring at someone who's talking to me with a blank 'stupor of thought' look on my face, having no idea what they're saying and nothing in particular going on in my brain. I don't really feel like talking, especially small talk with strangers. I about decked the cute little hostess who sat Dave and me at Chili's the other night because she said "2 and a half?" with a cute little smirk on her face while she eyed my bulging belly. Not a reasonable reaction to someone who's kindly nodding to the fact that you're 9 months pregnant and look like you should have given birth yesterday. When she brought crayons and a kids menu to the table to really send the joke home I shot her a seriously dirty look. That's really not like me. But I'm afraid I've turned into prego-zilla. Rahhhrrrrr.

So a few weeks ago I started having contractions off and on, nothing consistent but real contractions none the less. These have basically carried on for the last 2 weeks, some days being worse than others. I'm getting tired. Baby girl keeps dropping and then dropping more, and then dropping more. She's really ready to come. Sometimes I'm afraid she's going to suddenly stick her head out and say "whats up mom?"

And I don't know if it's horemones but I'm freaked out about loving another baby. I know I'm going to love her as much as I love Sol and something about that scares me. I think it scares me how much I love Solomon because I know how vulnerable that makes me. When I think of having another, part of me somewhere in my head is going "WHAT? You're going to add another amazing cherub to your world?! You're nuts! They they have your heart, what if something happens and you get crushed forever?" And that little nagging fear really flares up when I start to have contractions. Is this normal? I've been pregnant for 9 months and now in the last few weeks the idea is starting to really freak me out. I know I can handle it. I know we'll be happier being a family. But it scares the whits out of me to think of loving another child as much as I love Sol. Maybe that's why I keep starting contractions and then stopping, my subconscience is screaming "SLOW DOWN!"

On the other hand I can't handle staying in the prego-zilla condition for much longer. I'll make myself and everyone around me crazy. She'll be here soon. In fact she's so close I can almost smell her. I'll see her and instantly fall in love with her and everything will be right in the world. For now, I'm on the crazy train. Be warned. :)

On a happier note, Sol is so much fun right now. He's really such a good boy and only goes to time out for roughing up Ella (the dog). He thinks its so funny to chuck something big at her or jump on her and watch her scramble to get out of the way. He's such a boy. Ella still loves him though she's a little nervous around him.

We spent some time with extended and immediate family up in Idaho this last week which was really great. Sol had a blast on the 'forver' (four wheeler) and swiming in Grandma's ditch. He loved playing with his cousins and riding in Grandpa's boat.

On the way home we had some drama with Mazdy car. The engine blew up. I guess you could call that drama. Luckily we were in Layton and made it to a Walmart parking lot where we could call Dave's sis that lives in the area. They rescued us and helped us tow Mazdy to the car hospital where they are still troubleshooting the problem. It's not looking good. Dave loves that car almost as much as he loves peanut butter bars so he's rather distraught over the whole thing. Especially because it doesn't yet have 100k miles on it and its just out of warranty.

Oh well, at least its a car and not one of us.

Well if you're still reading I'm impressed. This is one looong post. Here are some recent pics for the skimmers...

Fathers Day. While trying to get Sol to say 'Cheese,' Dave pulled the 3rd grade class picture smile out. Nice.

Sol's new skill: somersaults. He really just rolls around on the ground but he fully believes he's somersaulting like the big kids.

Swimming in the ditch.

My family had a lovely baby shower for me where I felt very loved and showered. I'm not thrilled with the pics as I realize I'm all boobs, belly, and elephant legs. Oh well. The shower was still great!

AF City parade!

Sol discovers they throw candy.

It was a long parade. Thankfully uncle Steve had his phone with the Helicopter video to keep Sol entertained.

ttfn! Hopefully the next post I write will be a little less crazy. However, I make no promises.